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Jessica (HDB)

I'm a bookworm of the highest caliber! If you see me, I'll probably be reading. There's nothing I love more than finding a good book, and then sharing it with the world!

State of the Jessica

I realized that it has been about a week since the last time I officially popped in here. So, I figured I'd let you all know what's been going on the land of Jessica. I kind of like that way that sounds actually. How great would it be to have a fictional space to escape to? I suppose that's why we love reading. You at least get to borrow a fictional space to escape to for a while. Warning, this is a tome in the making. So I won't blame you if you don't read it all. I'm just venting.


Anyway, here's the scoop. I'll start with the meh, and work up to the good. I feel like it's better that way.


First off, I've been pretty down the last week or so.


Quick back story, but depression and anxiety run in my family. My mom, my sister, and my brother, have all been treated at some point in their lives. My mom and sister both still have panic attacks fairly often, in fact. I've been extremely lucky that it hasn't affected me more. I've never needed meds, but have been lucky that I've been successful at redirecting that energy into something productive. It's one of the reasons I have so many hobbies, actually.


There are a few things hanging over my head right now. My grandmother hasn't been doing well lately. And because of that, I see this cloud hanging over my mom's head that makes me hurt too. She already went through this same thing with my grandfather last year. He had Dementia and, since they live in another part of the state, she had to stretch herself thin to go back and forth and deal with all the doctors visits, bills, etc. Now it's happening again, and I can tell it's taking a toll on her. Fingers crossed that this latest medication they prescribed my grandmother helps.


At the same time, my brother was just sent overseas to Afghanistan. He's located in one of the areas that still sees active combat and, as angry as I am at him for re-enlisting when he could have come home, I'm more terrified that he just won't come home at all. I can only listen to people say "he'll be fine" so many times before I just want to scream. You don't know that. I don't know that. No one knows that. And it doesn't make me feel any better. I hope that's the case, for sure. But... well... I can't stop worrying about it. The only good news is that he'll come back state side in November, so his time there is short. I'm not a religious person, but I'm asking whatever entity/power/karma is out there that he's safe until he comes home.


So anyway, this last week I unplugged. I started packing for our move. I read a lot, and watched a lot of mindless tv. I went home and visited my mom for the weekend so that we could give good energy to one another. We watched more mindless tv, ate ice cream, and just all around vegged. It helped a lot with my mindset, and I'm slowly getting on towards feeling better. I've been throwing myself into thoughts of what we're going to do with our new house.


Which, brings me to the good news. We officially have a house! Well... at least we own one. We agreed to let the tenant that the seller was renting to live there until the end of March. He might move out earlier (I hope), but at the latest we'll get our keys on April 3rd. All the paperwork is done, all the mortgage stuff is set, and we're officially home owners. I'm thrilled! Now I just have a timeline in my head, and wishing March would hurry up and be over.


I'm definitely looking forward to a new space. A new energy, a new vibe, my own backyard to go hide in with a book. I'm planning on gardening, and getting back into cooking now that we'll have a real sized kitchen. It's something to look forward to and, surprisingly, I'm not even worried about the physical moving part. I'm just going to do it.


So, that is a probably way too long explanation of what's been up. I'm around. I'll probably write a review or two later today if I'm feeling like it. Grim and I are planning on reading THE TALE OF DESPERAUX together too, which makes me really happy. It's one of my favorite stories, and I could use an old friend right now.